I chose to wait until today to publish my first post about PJ's departure. I've been so busy since Saturday, that I haven't really had time to myself until today. I can't even begin to describe the emotions that have been going through me, and the tears coming out of me.
6 years ago, when we were at the Army recruiter's office, I was wondering what the future would be like. I never thought that 6 years from then, I would be preparing for a second deployment, and saying goodbye to PJ a second time. I never quite understood how I made it through the first one, how am I supposed to make it through this one?
The only thing I can figure is this. When the first time came around, I was totally taken by surprise. I had no idea what I was doing. PJ was still relatively new to his unit, and I didn't know anyone. I let myself get to a dark place. I became a hermit, and I gained a bunch of weight because I was depressed, and all I did was eat. That's how I dealt with it, and I was okay with that. I missed PJ terribly, and that was about it. I didn't care about anything else, and I just let myself go.
I've spent so much time worrying about PJ leaving this time, that I didn't look into the blessings hidden in it. This was an opportunity for me to explore who I am, in a positive way. PJ was kind enough to suggest things for me to do while he was away, and he was really great about telling me what he really thought about my ideas as well. Blogging, sewing, Zumba, and lots of reading.
The more I think about this deployment, I think about how great PJ is at his job. There are very few things he is passionate about, and the military is one of them. I know PJ comes home and likes to remind me how awesome he is, but when I see the fruits of his labors, I can't be anything but proud. I'm proud to be the wife of a soldier, and I'm proud to be an American! 400 days can't get over soon enough!
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